


Wondering

by Estrella3791



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: F/M, LET ME TELL YOU, The Babies - Freeform, They deserve so much happiness, also this is probably trash, always thought that 'i'm at university' was a terrible excuse for not posting, but I just love them, everyone is probably out of character, i only watched it once through, it is not a terrible excuse, so much, this is the first time I've posted on ao3 since uni started
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:02:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22231474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrella3791/pseuds/Estrella3791
Summary: Guys... I wasn't prepared for a show with two colons in its name to give me any feels at all, let alone the tidal wave that swamped me after the last episode. The heck? Is this?Anyway, there's like zero fics with Big Red and Ashlyn and that makes me really sad so I'm writing my own.Is it a mess? Yes. But it's also more for me than you (no offense) so I'm not going to get upset about it.Enjoy, and if you watch this show and ship Big Red and Ashlyn please comment and feed my obsession.
Relationships: Big Red/Ashlyn Caswell
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Wondering

**Author's Note:**

> Guys... I wasn't prepared for a show with two colons in its name to give me any feels at all, let alone the tidal wave that swamped me after the last episode. The heck? Is this?  
> Anyway, there's like zero fics with Big Red and Ashlyn and that makes me really sad so I'm writing my own.  
> Is it a mess? Yes. But it's also more for me than you (no offense) so I'm not going to get upset about it.  
> Enjoy, and if you watch this show and ship Big Red and Ashlyn please comment and feed my obsession.

Ashlyn has never been particularly brave. She's friendly and she can be blunt and she's definitely not shy, but she's not brave, either. She doesn't like confrontation. She's afraid of taking risks.

This sucks when she has crushes.

E.J. always (ALWAYS) tells her to make the first move, to ask them out, to have courage. Joseph from third grade, Brandon from fifth, Kasey from seventh. "Just do it, Ash," he'd say, which was easy for him since every girl he ever talked to was practically falling over themselves for his attention. "What do you have to lose?"

And she's never had anything to lose, not really. She knows that she is a valuable person. She's always loved herself, been comfortable in her skin, even if sometimes it's been difficult to stay that way. She's never been terribly concerned with the opinions of others. If the little boys had dismissed her without a second thought, sent her packing, she would have cried a little but it wouldn't have crushed her. It would have hurt - a lot - but she would have recovered. She knows this. But it was just easier, to duck her head and keep walking when everything in her wanted to slow down, say 'hi,' ask about what these crushes had done over the weekend. 

And then Big Red happened.

She's not sure when it started. She’s not even sure when she met him. She doesn’t even know IF she met him. All she knows is that before, she didn’t care about the scrawny, skateboardy, silly red-haired kid and that after, she did. She didn’t tell E.J., because E.J., despite the fact that he was much more accepting and supportive than anyone would expect from someone who could easily be on the cover of GQ, wouldn’t understand. He doesn’t dislike Big Red, but he doesn’t care much for him, either. E.J. is athletic and musical and talented and _cool _, and Big Red is… not. E.J. is a good guy, and Ashlyn knows it, but he has somewhat of a narcissist inside of him. If someone can’t help him get somewhere, he’s not super concerned about them. It’s a shortcoming, and it’s one that kept her from voicing the feelings that had started fluttering inside her stomach.__

__Besides, she knows what E.J. would say. “Just go for it,” he’d say. “What have you got to lose?”_ _

__This time? A lot._ _

__She knows that Big Red is sweet and considerate and good, and that he would never reject her in a way that he thought would hurt her. He would let her down gently, let her know that it wasn’t her as a person that didn’t attract him, but it would still be a rejection and this one would break her heart. She doesn’t think she could handle hearing Big Red tell her, directly, face-to-face, no room for questions, that he does not return her affections. It would crush her. It would hurt very, very badly. And Ashlyn does not feel like dealing with those kind of emotions._ _

__***_ _

__And then the musical. It’s been years (years!) since she started liking Big Red’s hair and smile and gentle, easy manner from a distance. It was safe, you know? Like if she never got too close, she could never get too hurt. But now, suddenly, due to Ricky’s impulsive audition, she sees Big Red _everywhere _. He’ll smile at her in the halls. He’s in her math class. He’s here, there, and everywhere while they’re rehearsing, and she’s missed more than one line because he’s standing off to the side where he won’t bother anyone, watching.___ _

____She tries not to dwell on the fact that he’s smiling more often than he’s not as he watches her._ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____They talk, sometimes. E.J. frowns at this, mostly because Red is Ricky’s friend and Ricky is E.J.’s rival, but Ashlyn doesn’t care about her cousin’s easily bruised male ego. She and Big Red discuss the skills of the cast, the fresh and exciting ideas that they’ve all come up with, and Ashlyn feels her heart skipping a little every time he catches her eye to roll his at Carlos’ dramatics. (To be fair, though, as she observes to Red later, it _is _drama club.)___ _ _ _

______Miss Jenn tells her to write a song, and she does. She thinks about him when she writes it. She wonders if he’ll realize that he was her inspiration. She wonders what he’ll think of her voice when she sings. She wonders if he’ll like it, think that she’s a good songwriter, compliment on her later. She wonders if he’ll ever know how much she’s grown to care for him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Miss Jenn asks for a title, and Ashlyn thinks about it for a minute before telling her to call it ‘Wondering.’_ _ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______Thanksgiving happens, and it's the best time she's ever had. Everyone is crowded into her living room, laughing and singing and having a good time, and Big Red keeps glancing her way and it makes her tummy flutter around like a caged bird. She sits back and thinks about how this, this family that they've created, is everything she's ever wanted. She thinks about how perfectly happy she'd be to sit here forever._ _ _ _ _ _

______Good things never last, and Gina gets a phone call that completely kills the mood. Ashlyn isn't upset - how could she be, when Gina just got such terrible news? - but she's a little disappointed, because no sooner has their little family hit their stride than they falter and make excuses and leave, one by one, until only Big Red is left._ _ _ _ _ _

______He is picking up garbage in her living room, and despite everything _this _, in particular, leaves her heart hammering in her chest. He's good and kind and helpful and wonderful and she wants desperately to kiss him, but she's scared. She's not brave. She doesn't kiss him, and he shifts nervously and says that he'd better go, and she smiles and says something about dipping sauce and watches him go, wishing that she'd just done it while she had the chance.___ _ _ _ _ _

________It couldn't have been just her that felt electricity sizzling between them, could it?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Things get crazy and Ashlyn forgets to be worried about Big Red and whether he likes her back, what with the fire and final rehearsals and trying to _become _Miss Darbus.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It's half an hour until curtain and Big Red taps her on the shoulder. The herd of butterflies that lives in her stomach, which has been lying dormant for a very long time, wakes up and starts losing it, stampeding around like they're being chased by something big and scary._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Good luck," he says, and she grins at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Thanks," she says. "You, too."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Thanks," he says, and it might just be her but his smile is even more dazzling than normal._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The thought that she caused it makes her entrance onstage just a little more confidence-infused than usual._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The show goes by in a blur of lights and costume changes, as all stage productions do. Ashlyn is reeling from the excitement and the compliments and the _buzz _that always accompanies performing, and then she finds out that the huge bouquet of flowers was for _her _, from _Big Red _. She's in shock, she thinks, and she can't manage to do much more than stare at him like an idiot. He just smiles, and she finds herself wondering if maybe, just maybe, she loves him._______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________But then E.J. drags her out to see their family and she forces herself to focus on the people that she for sure loves that are right in front of her instead of the guy that she maybe loves that is somewhere back in the dressing rooms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________And _then _she finds him tap dancing on their makeshift stage, amongst the fallen confetti, with all the lights off and wearing the broad and blissful grin that keeps her brain from functioning. Her arms are full of flowers and her heart is swelling and he finishes his routine and blasts some more confetti and cheers his own cheers. He turns and sees her and jumps a little. The smile drops off of his face and he looks almost apologetic.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________She doesn't want him to look like that. She wants him to know that she thinks he's amazing. But -_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"Wow," she says, because it's all she can manage to say. "I have so many questions."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________And he looks at her, all hope and trepidation and anticipation, and suddenly Ashlyn is brave. She makes a beeline for him and she tosses the flowers aside and she grabs his face and kisses him like she's wanted to for so, so long._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________It never even crossed her mind to be afraid of him not returning the kiss, but she needn't have worried because his arms come around her waist and he tastes like being cherished and when she pulls back to check his face, there's love and happiness radiating from him. It melts her heart and she beams at him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"I really like you," she tells him quietly, caressing his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"I really like you, too," he says, tightening his hold on her waist. She'd be happy to stand there and look at him all day, she's so happy, but he looks at her lips and adds, "I'd really like to kiss you again."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________"I'd be okay with that," she says, and he closes his eyes and leans forward, gentle and loving and everything she's ever wanted, and as their lips meet she's not wondering anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> You're a beautiful person and I'm so glad you're reading this. Thanks for your time. Have the BEST day.


End file.
